Thoughts Before I Sleep

It is 9:44 p.m. and I’m headed to bed because I’ve only had 2 hours of sleep in the past thirty something hours. I know it will read as a complaint, but it isn’t. Not even a little. Tonight I close my eyes feeling grateful, humbled, accepted and loved. I’m talking about you. Grateful for you. Humbled that you accept me and my creations.

The past few weeks have been hard. While trying to creatively get the Garden Goddess to be everything I wanted it to be, I’ve been fighting infects and kidney issues. I once again, sat in a doctors office where words like surgery and medications roll off the tongue like I’m being up sold fries at the McDonald’s drive through.. I fight a lot of physical battles but the mental battles are what threaten to immobilize me.

Three years ago, those words would have wounded me and even though they feel like a gut punch at the moment, I have the beautiful outlet of Sarahfide to help me channel my energy. When once I thought my only purpose was to suffer, I now know that my purpose is so much more than that. I do suffer, but I suffer along side women who also suffer. Together, we can pray for one another, laugh together, learn together, and grow together.

So, today was a picture. A picture of a community, surrounding an underdog (me), cheering her on to the next leg of the race. I know.. you thought you were just purchasing a piece of amazing hand made jewelry but you weren’t. You were contributing to my fight. My fight to not give in and not give up. For two years, I’ve been creating and you have supported me but today, I opened a door into my mind, my heart and you accepted my art. You loved it, you purchased it. Grateful.. humbled… shocked…. Not shocked that you showed up but shocked that you showed up because you wanted to invest in me, Sarah.

I just wanted you to know… I am very thankful for you. I’m thankful for your hearts, the pictures you send me, the posts you tag me on, the messages you send me, the support you show me, your purchases, wearing Sarahfide, All. Of. It.. I’m absolutely grateful for your love and support.

I love you.

~s

P.S. Although future surgery looms, there is no assurance that it will bring healing. It’s more of a borrow from this part of the body to “try” to fix that part of the body. For now, we pray for strength. We also pray for pain and infections to be minimal or obsolete. So, no surgery.. no medications.. for now.