No More Secrets

I’m not keeping secrets any more.

Several times, I’ve tried to talk about my real life… but I have trouble finding the words over the voices in my head. The voices shout things like….Don’t embarrass your family. Don’t tell too much. Don’t be negative. Put a positive spin on it so people won't feel bad for you. Be honoring to God. People wont buy from you if they know you're sick. The list is much longer… but, you get my point.

After several attempts to share my real life, but being unable to find a starting point, I’ve decided to come at this from a different viewpoint. In the past, I’ve tried to start at the beginning… but seeing how that is muddled and blurry, it’s almost impossible for me to start there.

So, I start from my current perspective.

A bed.

A Cat

Beads

Paint

And a window.

I’ve been in bed for two days. The short version… Four years ago a doctor accidentally removed part of my urinary tract, my left ureter, instead of removing my ovary. The consequences? Too lengthy to go into today. What I can tell you is that I have issues and it results in seasons where I suffer from cysts that form or infections related to my urinary tract. I hurt. Pain is my constant companion. Because of the pain, I fight feelings of anger that this medical mistake happened. I fight the urge to loathe and wallow in self pity. I fight voices that tell me God is punishing me. I fight demons that tell me death would be such sweet relief.

Before you judge me too harshly, remember, I’m baring my soul here. Be kind to me. Please.

There is an upside, Sarahfide.

Most of the time, I can still paint beads and run a business from bed. In fact, many of you may be dropping your jaws right now, because you didn’t know. Which, in many ways, is how I want it to be. My illness shouldn’t have anything to do with my business… but it does. Sarahfide was born from the bedside of a sick woman. The sick woman being me. In many ways, the woman you see today is because of Sarahfide ~ my jewelry biz. Sarahfide was born because of this medical injury. I started hand making earrings to get me through the day. I am the woman I am today, because of the healing Sarahfide has brought me. One can not exist without the other.

The good news is, I always get better. After bed rest and over the counter IBUProfen, the swelling goes down, the pain dims and I feel normal (my normal) again. 

You might wonder how this affects business… it doesn’t. I have plenty of inventory, so when someone purchases something, I can pull it out of the drawer and ship it. Of course, it does mean that my hubby, John, has to pull out my adorable Sarahfide packaging and tie a pretty little bow; seeing how he was a warehouse manager for almost 15 years, he can handle it. Hopefully I’ve proven, I’m in this… All in. No matter if I’m sick or not.

Opening doors like this always lead to questions…and I want to be an open book. So here’s a little bit more, which might give you some insight into my life and more specifically, my health.

I’ve been as far as the top urologist at Mayo Clinic, there is no fix. I have to learn to live with kidney issues, urinary related infections and my current situation, cysts. This is and how it is. At some point, hopefully a long way off, the pain or a fever will force me to go to the hospital. I’ll be probed and prodded, like I’ve already been 100 times, seriously, I have some crazy stories. Surgery will be discussed and I’ll be encouraged to take medication that will help dull the pain or shrink the cyst or fight off infection, but medication comes at a cost. I know, because I’ve taken them and I’ve taken myself off of them. In all of the cases the medication didn’t seem to work and the side effects were sever. The bottom line, my body will never recover from the internal damage done. I just have to learn to live life, the best I can, and make the most with what I’ve been given. Which by the way…. is a lot. God has given me an amazing supportive husband. So supportive that he purchased my business license and did all the leg work to get me what I needed. God has given me the most amazing daughters who are a breath of fresh air and a HUGE reason I grin and bare it and don’t give into self loathing or drown myself in pain medications. I have parents and siblings that would drop anything and everything to help me, if I needed it. AND!!! I have you. Amazing, supportive, positive women who love me and my creations. Who not only buy my jewelry but wear it proudly. Talk about blessed. God has given me so much. He has been faithful, when I am not.

When I think about God, and His goodness, it’s the number one reason I want to share my real life. The girl you see in the top picture, the beautiful diva decked out in the most amazing jewelry, she’s me.. and the girl in the bed… well, she’s me too. Both pictures are me. Welcome to my real life. No more secrets.

The Waters Edge

I was sitting by the waters edge thinking about my life, a pretty serious notion. I had just come from yet another doctors appointment and had just scheduled a small surgery for next week. It will be my first surgery, since starting Sarahfide, a little over a year ago.

Many that know my story, know, poor heath has become a part of my life. Four years ago, a medical accident happened. I went into surgery to have an ovary removed. In error, they removed a portion of my urinary tract. It was horrible. It was painful. It was a nightmare. It was life changing. By the way, I want to share that part of my story, deeply, but not today.

Today, I want to talk about several ah-ha moments.

The first was a verse I was reading, in my morning devotion. It said, “Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad. Proverbs 12:25 For me, this verse said, “Sarah, your heart is heavy and it makes you sad, why don’t you talk about your struggles and share how God continues to give you strength to press forward. It will bring Joy and happiness to talk about it.

Then, I had a phone call. It was my niece. She wanted to tell me how proud she was of me. She said my jewelry was amazing and I was crushing it. I cried, literally. I told her that I had just come from the doctor and her call was absolutely perfect timing. Her call made me think. Wouldn’t it be better for my niece to see all of the amazing things I’m doing at Sarahfide, while also seeing the daily struggles, and how hard I’m working, EVERY DAY, despite my illness??

It’s time. It is time to see me as I am.

You may ask me, “Why have you been hiding this?”. I’ll tell you… here it is….. I’m scared. I’m scared you will not purchase my jewelry, if you think I’m sick. That’s it. I think that if I post about having a kidney infection, you are going to skip over my White Wash dangles and purchase from someone else, because you’re worried your purchase will be to stressful for me.

BUT!! I’m going to call it what it is. It’s a lie. AND, I’ve proven for the past year, that I CAN run a business, meet every single deadline, fill thousands of orders AND do it all while also being sick.

Because, that is just what I am. I’m sick. A doctor accidentally removed the wrong body part and it resulted in me living with constant infections, constant pain, a life time of antibiotics, possible kidney failure and the medical history of an 87 year old. <A doctor said that to me once.

So, this is me. I’m Sarah. I’m a sinner saved by Grace. I’m a wife. (Married my high school sweetheart 22 years ago.) I’m a mother to three beautiful young ladies. I’m a daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. I’m a business owner. AND, I’m sick. I will always be sick, until Heaven.

So, this is me giving you a heads up. I’m making some changes here at Sarahfide. I’m going to be more open on Social Media. I’m ready to show you that even through suffering, You. Can. Still. Find. Joy! Which is why, JOY was my first jewelry collection. I love that it is still the most popular of all my collections. Go check it out…. and be prepared. Sitting at the waters edge today brought me clarity and a new found determination.

Before you move on to the next thing, be sure to check out Sarahfide.com. Mothers Day is right around the corner. I offer Free Shipping and the most adorable Cottage Chic packaging. As always, Happy Shopping