No More Secrets
I’m not keeping secrets any more. Women won't buy from you if they know…
I’m not keeping secrets any more.
Several times, I’ve tried to talk about my real life… but I have trouble finding the words over the voices in my head. The voices shout things like….Don’t embarrass your family. Don’t tell too much. Don’t be negative. Put a positive spin on it so people won't feel bad for you. Be honoring to God. People wont buy from you if they know you're sick. The list is much longer… but, you get my point.
After several attempts to share my real life, but being unable to find a starting point, I’ve decided to come at this from a different viewpoint. In the past, I’ve tried to start at the beginning… but seeing how that is muddled and blurry, it’s almost impossible for me to start there.
So, I start from my current perspective.
A bed.
A Cat
Beads
Paint
And a window.
I’ve been in bed for two days. The short version… Four years ago a doctor accidentally removed part of my urinary tract, my left ureter, instead of removing my ovary. The consequences? Too lengthy to go into today. What I can tell you is that I have issues and it results in seasons where I suffer from cysts that form or infections related to my urinary tract. I hurt. Pain is my constant companion. Because of the pain, I fight feelings of anger that this medical mistake happened. I fight the urge to loathe and wallow in self pity. I fight voices that tell me God is punishing me. I fight demons that tell me death would be such sweet relief.
Before you judge me too harshly, remember, I’m baring my soul here. Be kind to me. Please.
There is an upside, Sarahfide.
Most of the time, I can still paint beads and run a business from bed. In fact, many of you may be dropping your jaws right now, because you didn’t know. Which, in many ways, is how I want it to be. My illness shouldn’t have anything to do with my business… but it does. Sarahfide was born from the bedside of a sick woman. The sick woman being me. In many ways, the woman you see today is because of Sarahfide ~ my jewelry biz. Sarahfide was born because of this medical injury. I started hand making earrings to get me through the day. I am the woman I am today, because of the healing Sarahfide has brought me. One can not exist without the other.
The good news is, I always get better. After bed rest and over the counter IBUProfen, the swelling goes down, the pain dims and I feel normal (my normal) again.
You might wonder how this affects business… it doesn’t. I have plenty of inventory, so when someone purchases something, I can pull it out of the drawer and ship it. Of course, it does mean that my hubby, John, has to pull out my adorable Sarahfide packaging and tie a pretty little bow; seeing how he was a warehouse manager for almost 15 years, he can handle it. Hopefully I’ve proven, I’m in this… All in. No matter if I’m sick or not.
Opening doors like this always lead to questions…and I want to be an open book. So here’s a little bit more, which might give you some insight into my life and more specifically, my health.
I’ve been as far as the top urologist at Mayo Clinic, there is no fix. I have to learn to live with kidney issues, urinary related infections and my current situation, cysts. This is and how it is. At some point, hopefully a long way off, the pain or a fever will force me to go to the hospital. I’ll be probed and prodded, like I’ve already been 100 times, seriously, I have some crazy stories. Surgery will be discussed and I’ll be encouraged to take medication that will help dull the pain or shrink the cyst or fight off infection, but medication comes at a cost. I know, because I’ve taken them and I’ve taken myself off of them. In all of the cases the medication didn’t seem to work and the side effects were sever. The bottom line, my body will never recover from the internal damage done. I just have to learn to live life, the best I can, and make the most with what I’ve been given. Which by the way…. is a lot. God has given me an amazing supportive husband. So supportive that he purchased my business license and did all the leg work to get me what I needed. God has given me the most amazing daughters who are a breath of fresh air and a HUGE reason I grin and bare it and don’t give into self loathing or drown myself in pain medications. I have parents and siblings that would drop anything and everything to help me, if I needed it. AND!!! I have you. Amazing, supportive, positive women who love me and my creations. Who not only buy my jewelry but wear it proudly. Talk about blessed. God has given me so much. He has been faithful, when I am not.
When I think about God, and His goodness, it’s the number one reason I want to share my real life. The girl you see in the top picture, the beautiful diva decked out in the most amazing jewelry, she’s me.. and the girl in the bed… well, she’s me too. Both pictures are me. Welcome to my real life. No more secrets.
Painting Broken Flowers
It seemed every month I receive a request that challenge my skills. The thing that scared me the most were flowers.
Before eighteen months ago, I had never picked up a small paint brush. I’ve painted walls but slapping paint on a wall in a house is a lot different than detailed painting on a small bead. I’ve Never. Ever. considered myself an artist. Creative, yes. Artistic, no.
When I launched Sarahfide.com, I had no intention of painting anything, but as I started building my earring collection, I needed specific colored beads. I looked into purchasing (painted) beads but since many of the earrings were one-of-a-kind, it wasn’t economical for me to spend money on strands of beads when I only needed two or four beads of a certain color. That is when I started painting my own beads. My first paint colors were teal and mustard. These are an updated earring of my original earring designs, now available on my site.
As Sarahfide grew, I started to receive requests for more intricate jewelry creations. It seemed every month I receive a request that challenge my skills. The thing that scared me the most were flowers. In truth, I have a gift with colors, blending and obviously making a beautiful, wearable piece of jewelry but flowers!!! that takes skill. Artistic skill!!
A few weeks ago, I received a special request for a Mother’s Day gift. I was asked to recreate a china pattern onto a bracelet. Back Story- My client’s Mother-In-Law had one dish from her mother’s china and it had been broken. The pieces were collected and It was being displayed in a shadow box.
This was the picture that was provided to me.
Requests like this are so exciting!! I love being challenged with new creations and I love being a part of something so special!! This was sure to be a beautiful and meaningful gift. BUT…. the china pattern was… FLOWERS!!….
In first grade, Miss. Dubois, my first grade teacher, with gentile patience, would place a small wooden train on my desk and read the book, “The Little Engine That Could”, every time I would say, “I can’t.” Almost forty years later, when faced with something that seems impossible, I still think of Miss. Dubois and the little wooden train.
Truth, I didn’t succeed the first time or the second time, but I didn’t give up.
Friend, I don’t know what painting broken flowers looks like to you. Maybe it is making a huge life choice that terrifies you, or making a commitment that is going to force you to sacrifice a comfort. We all have moments when we are looking at something daunting. Try. Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Try, Try again!!
Click the video to see the details up close.
I feel honored that you continue to believe in me!! It was a joy and honor to create so many amazing pieces this Mother’s Day!! Thank you for inviting Sarahfide into your lives and wearing it so proudly!!